(Another) Five Christmases
by woodrosegirl
Summary: Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean story. 5 short stories, about Christmas.
1. Christmas Kiss

This is the latest lot of "Five Christmases" that I wrote for the boards over Christmastime.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

The alarms beeping filtered through my sleepy brain, making me moan unhappily when I realised what time it was. "Early in the morning on Christmas Day, yeah, great idea Chris" I mumbled to myself. In truth, I didn't overly mind. We needed all the ice time we could get, even if it did mean getting up at a ridiculous time. I just hated the dark, cold, winter mornings. That in mind I rolled over and hit the snooze button, gaining ten more warm, cosy minutes in bed.

As a result I had to get ready quickly, pulling on my training gear and hiding my messy hair under a hat. Running downstairs I almost bumped into my mother, who was in the kitchen, peeling carrots.

"Merry Christmas Mum." I say, kissing her cheek.

"Merry Christmas dear."

She looks up and notices my attire.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To the rink."

She puts the peeler down.

"You promised to help! There's over ten people coming over for dinner!"

"I will. I promise."

"Just….don't be all day. Have you got Chris's present?"

I tapped my skate bag.

"Yes. And I won't. Bye!"

Hurriedly I run out to the car, inwardly cursing when I saw it iced over. I quickly scraped off as much as I could and jumped in, silently thanking the quiet roads. Arriving at Chris's I saw him waiting for me outside, blowing on his hands, and jumping up and down, attempting to keep warm .

"There you are. I thought I was going to turn into an icicle!" He said, hopping into the passenger seat.

"Merry Christmas to you too." I said.

Chris blew on his hands again and reached over to grab my left one.

"Sorry. Merry Christmas"

I started the car back up.

"Why didn't you just wait inside?"

"Tee was in there, peeling things. She looked like she was going to ask me to help."

I laughed.

"Same with mine. That reminds me, I've been instructed that I can't stay all day. I have to be back to help."

"Tee said the same thing. We'll both be up to our elbows peeling potatoes."

We drove the rest of the way in relative silence. It was too early for me to make full on conversation. As we neared the rink we saw the handyman waiting for us outside with the keys. We walked up and greeting him with choruses of "Merry Christmases"

"No-one could say that you two aren't dedicated, practicing on Christmas day!" he said.

Chris and I smiled, pleased with the compliment. He handed the keys to Chris.

"Just lock up when you're done."

"Cheers mate, thanks for coming out."

We walked in and started ready. Chris's present fell out of my skate bag but I pushed it back in before he could see it, deciding to give it to him after practice. As soon as we hit the ice and warmed up, we were completely focused on our moves, lost in each other, only speaking one word prompts to each other when necessary. When we did decide to stop I checked the time and was surprised at how much time had passed. Something had seemed to change during that practice. Maybe it was the desolate rink, the cold air that still somehow seemed to have a slight Christmas magic about it, even though it chilled me and made my arms cold. The rink looked different too, with the sun filtering through the windows, making the ice sparkle with what looked like mini fairy lights, twinkling on and off.

Either way, somehow everything just seemed to fit perfectly. We seemed to fit together. Chris skated over to me and voiced what I was thinking.

"That seemed to be the best we've been."

"I was just thinking…"

"…..the same thing?"

"Yes."

I met his eyes and we both laughed. We didn't break eye contact, and suddenly there seemed to be a sort of electricity in the air. My arms were cold, and I shivered involuntarily. Without saying anything Chris reached out and touched them.

"You're freezing."

My skin tingled where his fingers had touched my arm, I could swear I could see the patch he had touched turning red.

"Do you want my jumper?"

I felt flustered from the effect his touch had on me and answered quickly.

"No…..no it's okay. I should go…really…potatoes and….my mum."

Chris cleared his throat, looking slightly flustered himself.

"Oh! I almost forgot!"

I skated away from him, hauling my skate bag up, and pulling out his present. Skating back I handed it to him.

"Here. Merry Christmas."

He looked surprised.

"Oh. Thanks." He pulled the paper off. "Oh wow. Thanks."

I had bought him a pair of gloves and a scarf.

"Well you don't have a scarf, and you're always moaning about getting colds and sore throats so I thought it would help. Plus you annoy me when you blow on your hands. Hence the gloves."

He looked touched.

"Jayne that's really thoughtful. I didn't realised I did that."

"Well you won't be, anymore."

"I didn't think we would be…..I didn't get you anything….I'm so sorry." He trailed off.

"Are you mad?"

Deep down, I wasn't really, but I must have looked disappointed because he repeated himself.

"Are you mad?"

"No, not really."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. But….you could take me to the sales round town if you want. After Christmas."

Chris looked thoughtful.

"I've got a better idea."

"What?"

He put his present down.

"Close your eyes."

"Why? So you can push me over? No chance!"

"Jayne, as if I'd ever do that. And just in case you don't believe me…"

He moved close to me and put his arms around my waist.

"Now, close your eyes."

I did so, and I felt my breathing quicken in anticipation of what I was sure was coming next. Keeping his arms around my waist I could feel his hot breath, and then I felt his lips brush against mine, tentatively, as if he thought I might pull away, or worse, slap him. I did neither, and didn't even dare to open my eyes, afraid of ruining the moment.

He lips touched mine again, more forceful then before and I responded as such, pressing my body as close to his as I could while his hands slid up from my waist to my back. I felt a sudden rush of emotion, as our lips and bodies moved as one, just as they had just done on the ice. When we finally broke apart, neither of us dared to move and so we just stood there on the rink, holding each other, as the pseudo ice fairy lights twinkled all around us, and I heard him whisper in my ear.

"Merry Christmas Jayne."


	2. Lights

Rating: 18

This is a follow up to one of the first Christmases I did which is called "Lights." It's not overly necessary to read it first, but it would just set the scene.

"I love you Jayne." he repeats. Moving his hand back to my hair he twirls a lock of it around his finger. I didn't say anything, but his eyes were questioning.

"Do you?" he says hesitantly. I did, and I wanted to tell him, but I was feeling worried.

"I do….it's just"

"Skating"

We said it at the same time.

"I'm scared." I admitted. Because I was. Scared of the emotion. Scared, because my sexual desire for him was beating down my entire emotions and it was making me feel dizzy. He moved his hand and ran it down my back.

"I want…..I want….you" I said, almost dreamily.

Chris bent down to kiss my neck and I managed to form the words.

"Let's just….let's just be us…no….ice."

He pulled away and stared into my eyes.

"No ice."

"No ice."

"No regrets."

"No."

There wasn't masses of space, seeing as we were under the Christmas tree but it just all felt so right….the fairy lights being the only ones on in the room, bathing everything in an almost amber glow. We lay on our sides, kissing slowly at first, until emotion and desire seemed to overtake us, and suddenly everything became frenzied. Chris's hands seemed to be everywhere, tugging at my leggings, my top, everywhere. Mine seemed just as bad, almost feeling that they didn't belong to me, pawing at his clothes with a desire I had never felt before. He easily pulled my leggings and knickers down and pulled my top over my head, quickly unsnapping my bra, exposing myself to him. I had imagined I'd feel shy, vulnerable even, but I didn't. I felt electric, and desirable, emotions I'd only previously felt on the ice.

Chris pulled back slightly, to remove his underwear, leaving us both naked. We'd seen parts of each other before of course, thrown together in tiny changing rooms, but glancing briefly at him in a freezing cold space was the complete opposite of what was happening at the moment. Chris seemed to have the same thought, as he moved and looked at me intensely.

"You're so beautiful."

I didn't know what to say, he was looking at me with such an intensity that in any other situation I would of laughed with nervousness. But as he moved my hands to my breasts I didn't feel nervous at all, and I felt myself surrendering to him and his touch. His mouth licked my nipples, making them hard and stiff. I tried to reach for him but he gently pushed my hands away.

"I want to touch you" he said, and I let him, guiding his hands downward to where I was throbbing and waiting. He went slowly, firstly tracing patterns on my thigh, then exploring, gently touching me, gauging my reaction. As his fingers started to move faster I felt like I was going to explode.

"Please Chris" I panted, desperate for the release. As he pushed his fingers back inside I moaned his name as his thumb gently pushed against my clitoris. He knew I was almost there, and started withdrawing his fingers, leaving me on the brink, but not quite enough to push me over. I was right there, and he knew it. He held me briefly there, and then with a final push of his fingers I came, saying his name in a way I never had before.

When I opened my eyes the first thing I saw were the Christmas lights, twinkling above me. Chris's hands were on my thighs, and I sat up slightly, reaching for him, wanting-needing him to feel how I had just felt. This time he didn't push me away, and I moved my hand around him, exploring him, as he had done to me. I watched his face, watched how his eyes fluttered shut, how his breathing picked up, and how when I moved my hand he uttered my name.

It wasn't long before his moved my hands away again.

"I want…..you."

I lay back, my eyes silently willing him on, and he kissed me gently while he guided himself into me, slowly.

"I don't want to hurt you."

I shook my head, no. I was too far gone.

As he settled inside me I felt some pain but it was nothing compared to how much I wanted him. Once he was fully inside he thrust up gently.

"Oh fuck. Jayne…" I nodded, unable to form words. The emotion was too much. The only word I could coherently form was his name. If I thought our bodies were perfect on the ice, this was a whole new level of unison. He moved inside of me perfectly, and with every thrust, he was hitting something very right.

"Oh Chris…" I moaned, feeling myself getting close.

"Oh Jayne, yes…..yes" he groaned. "You feel so good…"

My hands were around his middle and I moved them up to his chest, his shoulders, relishing in his slightly sweaty skin. He moved down to kiss me forcefully, at the same time moving his fingers to my clitoris and rubbing hard. My mouth opened in surprise at the sensation.

"Jayne, I can't….hold on."

He thrusted again, and, gripping onto his shoulders I came, clenching around him which made him release, burying his head by my shoulder and saying my name several times over. I had closed my eyes, and as I opened them I saw Chris moving to kiss me gently.

"Jayne….wow." he whispered, moving out of me and rolling onto his side, facing me. I moved into the same position, but facing him. He reached between the space and took my hand, our breathing slowly becoming more even.

"Jayne that was amazing." I gave him a small smile. After all that rush, I felt exhilarated, and he kissed my fingers before lacing his through with mine. We stayed like that for a while, until the exhilaration started to wear off. Chris grabbed a blanket off the bed and covered us with it, noticing a change in me. He reached out his hand and twirled my hair again.

"What's wrong?"

"Why are you always playing with my hair?"

"I like it. Its soft….I like it so much better when it's long like this..and I like touching you…even if it's just your hair. And don't change the subject….what's wrong?"

I sighed.

"Tomorrow. We go back to skating….back to skating partners and nothing more."

"We are never going to be nothing more. We are always going to be doing something together…we'll always be you and me. And we'll always have this evening."

His hand went to my hair again.

"We'll always have….ooh!"

He pulled his hand back.

"Pine needles."

"We'll always have pine needles?" I said, confused.

He laughed.

"No. In your hair."

I looked up.

"And in yours!"

He glanced in between our bodies.

"And all over the floor!"

We both started laughing and Chris put his hands through his hair, making a small pile of pine needles fall out onto the carpet. I giggled as he moaned.

"My hairs going to smell of pine needles now!"

I shifted up to smell his hair.

"Yep!"

"I bet yours does too." He did the same and nodded.

"I like it. It smells like Christmas." I said.

He smiled and pulled me close to him, moving the blanket around us. My head rested on his chest and he kissed the top of it.

"Every time I smell pine needles I'm going to remember this."

"Me too."

And I always did. Still to this day I won't allow Phil to have an artificial tree.


	3. Broken Christmas

It was a subject that I had avoided as much as I could, but now that Phil was standing in front of me at the rink, demanding an answer I knew I would finally have to approach the subject.

"Well?"

I dug my skate tip into the ice, a habit I'd formed since childhood. When I was younger I did it in annoyance every time my parents forced me to come off the ice, and I still did it now, when someone was annoying me. I supposed it looked rather petulant now, but I couldn't help it.

"I don't know."

He sighed.

"Christmas is a few days away. If you want to come with me, to spend it with my family in America, which you said you _would. _I need to know now."

I didn't say anything, just turned myself around to look at the problem. He cut a lonely figure on the ice, slowly tracing circles with not only his facial expression mournful, but somehow his whole body too. Phil saw where my gaze had fallen and sighed.

"I see."

"What?"

"You don't want to leave Chris."

I didn't answer at kept my gaze on Chris, following his soft, sad movements with my eyes.

"Jayne, please look at me."

I scuffed my tip into the ice again.

"I don't want to leave him like this."

"It was _months_ ago. He's a big boy, he doesn't need babysitting. Besides, why is it always you that has to look after him?"

"I don't _always _look after him. When I'm with you I don't."

"Even when you are with me you're probably thinking about him."

I bristled.

"Look. I thought we were discussing Christmas, not my relationship with Chris."

"One seems to be influencing the other, if you ask me."

"No-one did." I continued. "He's hurting. I can't help that. It's his first Christmas since he divorced Isabelle….he's not going to cope with that very well."

"What about his family?"

"Away."

"Karen?"

"Busy."

Phil rubbed his temples, as if Chris was just a giant headache, that he needed to rub away.

"There really isn't anyone then?"

"No?"

"Fine. But I'm not happy about it."

My face showed relief and Phil noticed.

"You don't have to look so joyous about it."

I stepped off the rink and leaned up to kiss him. Even though the skates gave me some extra height I still couldn't reach him and ended up kissing him somewhere near his chin.

"I'll make it up to you over New Years, I promise."

"Yeah, until Chris has another crisis."

"His family will be back by then."

"Good, then I can have my wife back."

"Uh-huh."

"Are you going to tell him then?"

"Not yet….I'll tell him on Christmas Eve, as a surprise."

"He'd better appreciate what you're doing…..fixing him when he's broken…"

I glanced back at Chris, still making loops, his arms hanging low by his sides, looking as how I would imagine a weeping willow tree to skate.

"He will. Everything will be okay."

_Christmas Eve_

Early morning I drive Phil to the airport, stopping on the way to the rink to pick up Christmas supplies for me and Chris. Arriving at the rink late, Chris was already waiting for me on the ice. As I approached him he shouted, his voice radiating around the rink.

"You're late."

"I know. Sorry. Last minute Christmas stuff."

He glared at me.

"And you're leaving early to fly to America…..that doesn't leave us much time."

He looked so cross I didn't dare say anything, worried that he'd storm off somewhere and then not be reachable for days.

"Well, I'm here now." I say, as brightly as I can. "So lets start."

It didn't start well. Chris was horrible, everything I did was wrong. The holds were wrong, my legs were too high, the expression on my face too stern. …..it just went on and on, until I couldn't take anymore, and angrily I pushed his hands away from me.

"Why are you being so obnoxious?"

He shrugged.

"Why do you care? You're leaving me. You're going to get on that plane with your husband and play happy families over Christmas."

I stared at him.

"You're angry at me because I'm happy with my husband?"

"Well if you hadn't married Phil I wouldn't of felt forced to marry Isabelle!"

I felt my cheeks getting hot.

"I can't believe you've just said that. Don't you dare to try to blame me for your mistakes. We all told you it was a bad idea, but you went ahead and did it anyway. No one forced you down that aisle, you went on your own free will!"

"Fine. I accept that. And now she's left me. And you've left me. Everyone's leaving me."

Suddenly, he didn't look angry, he looked lost, desperately so.

"Now it's Christmas….and I'm all alone Jayne. Alone. How on earth did that happen?"

I moved back to him and took his hand.

"You're not alone. I'm not going anywhere."

His face creased with confusion.

"Yes…..you're going to America with Phil?"

"I was….but I thought that you needed me more. There will be other Christmases I can spend with him, I want to be here with you. You know that I'd never leave you…you should know that."

"I worry that you will though…I worry that you're going to go away with Phil and never come back."

"I love Phil. There's no question about that. He understands….just about…but he does. We might not be together in 30 years…but you and I will be. We will always have this."

I indicated to the ice.

"And no matter what happens…we will always, always have each other. "

I took a deep breath.

"Anyway, you're coming to mine for Christmas."

He moved his hand up, which was still intertwined with mine, and pulled me into his arms. Then he whispered a sentence to me that I knew he would never repeat to anyone.

"I think she broke me Jayne."

"No. Not broken. Just badly bruised."

"I hope you're right."

"Either way…I'll try my best to patch you up."

He pulled away and smiled.

"My own Christmas miracle."

I swatted his arm playfully.

"Don't be mushy. But thanks."

Chris indicated to the side of the rink.

"Shall we? Go, I mean? We can start our Christmas early."

"Sounds good."

As we skated off to the side of the rink suddenly turned to me.

"Jayne….whose going to cook?"

"I am."

"What?! A turkey! You can't even boil an egg!"

"Oh come on….it can't be that hard…and I've just about mastered eggs now, by the way."

"So I should expect boiled eggs and soldiers for Christmas lunch then."

"Don't be cheeky. "

"You love it really."


	4. River

This is inspired by the Joni Mitchell song "River"

I recommend (if you haven't heard it before) listening to it. Here is a link to it: watch?v=GpFudDAYqxY

Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I didn't get them for Christmas so I don't own them. I also don't own the lyrics to River.

I jammed my earphones into my ears, trying to get rid of the voice next to me.

_It's coming on Christmas  
They're cutting down trees  
They're putting up reindeer  
And singing songs of joy and peace_

Then, a jabbing in my side. I took the earphones out.  
"What?" I said, irritated. Jill gestured to the air hostess, demonstrating the safety measures.  
"You're supposed to be paying attention."  
"I've flown hundreds of times, I could do that demo in my sleep."

Jill rolled her eyes and I went to put the earphones back in. Another jab.  
"You're just planning on listening to music the whole time, and not help me with Jack and Sam?"  
I glanced at my sons, who were both engrossed in some sort of handheld gaming device. I shrugged.  
"They seem fine."  
"Well what about me?"  
"What about you?"  
"You're ignoring me."  
"It's not intentional, I just want to listen to some music."  
"Rather than talk to me?"  
"I talk to you all the time."  
"Not properly you don't, not anymore." She said it softly, almost to herself.  
"Fine. What do you want to talk about?" I said, sighing.  
She shrugged.  
"Dunno."  
"I really don't understand you at the moment Jill."  
"I really don't understand _us_ at the moment."

She turned away from me, pretending to be engrossed in the demonstration so I put my earphones back in and let Joni Mitchell's voice wash over me.

_"I wish I had a river, I could skate away on….." _

And I did, I really did. Jill didn't understand us at the moment, and neither did I. We were growing apart, we both knew it, but neither of us would admit it. I knew that Jill blamed Dancing On Ice, but it had started well before that. I was unhappy, and Dancing On Ice had thrown me a lifeline. Back to skating, back to Jayne. I took it, like a drowning man would take a lifejacket and it had saved me.

I loved my children more than anything else in the world, but in my new life, it didn't seem to be enough. As the years had passed, a void inside of me had grown and grown, until it seemed to have consumed me wholly. When the call came in for Dancing On Ice, I couldn't get back to the UK fast enough. Not to get away from my family, but to work, to do the one thing that made me feel complete. I'd started to feel so useless. I had all this pent up energy and creativeness inside of me, just waiting to get out. It was kinetic energy, like a wind up toy, wound up to the max and waiting for the release. Being reunited with Jayne again professionally again was fantastic, and all the time I spent with her on the ice, whether it was choreographing, practicing, or just skating together because we _could_ skate together, enjoying ourselves on the ice again. Marvelling at the way we still fit together, how we still moved as one, all those years later.

The more we did it, the more I felt the void inside of me shrinking, and shrinking, and by the time the live shows came around I couldn't feel it anymore. I felt complete again. Leaving after the show finished was difficult. The fact that Jill and I had drifted even further apart by that point didn't help. When I returned to Colorado, the void began growing again, and all I wanted to do was return to the place where it had gone away. Jill and I muddled through the year after, still in the same unhappy positions, and now we were here, marriage on the rocks, on a plane to spend Christmas with Jayne and Phil.

Joni's voice continued to sing in my ear.

_"I wish I had a river…." _

After a tense flight, and a tense taxi ride we finally arrived at Jayne's. I ushered the boys out and wrestled with the suitcases as Jill paid the driver. The boys ran ahead to ring the bell and seconds later I heard her voice. We'd done a lot of work earlier in the year so I hadn't seen her for a month. Carrying the luggage I walked over, hearing her greet my boys, and Jill. As soon as she saw me her face broke out into her smile. The one that she only gives me.

"Hello you." She said, her eyes sparkling.  
I put the luggage down and enveloped her into my arms.  
"Welcome back." She said, into my ear. I moved down, and kissed "my spot" as I called it, on her neck.  
"Thanks, Merry Christmas."  
Our moment was cut short as Kieron and Jess thundered in, eager to see Jack and Sam, followed by Phil.

Later, with the kids playing together we sat down and had a drink. Jayne, Phil and I started talking straight away but I felt the atmosphere was tense because of Jill. Jayne noticed, I could tell. She kept trying to include her in the conversation, but she barely responded. When Phil made a comment about how life had seemingly reverted back to how it was ten years ago she gave me such a look that I snapped.

"What's the matter with you?"  
"What do you think?"  
"I don't know! Why don't you tell me?"  
"It's this." She waved her hand around the room. "All of this. I can't believe you two can just think that you can go back to how your life was before!"  
"We haven't…..it was just a comment."  
"Well I wasn't happy then, and I'm not happy now." She continued. "You're just so distant. When you're home you act like you don't want to be there, and when you're in England you phone to speak to the boys and that's it."

Jayne and Phil looked incredibly awkward, especially Phil, since he had made the comment.

"I think we should leave you to it…."  
"Yeah…"

They left the room, leaving Jill and I to argue. We went round and round in circles for half an hour, until I gave up. I felt tired from the journey and drained from arguing.

"I'm going for a lie down." I said, curtly, and made my way to one of the spare rooms. I didn't want to go to sleep, I just wanted, well, _needed_, to switch off.

I put Joni back on.

_"I'm so hard to handle, I'm selfish, and sad." _

"True." I thought to myself, bitterly. There was a soft knock on the door. I knew it was Jayne.  
"Yeah?"  
She poked her head around the door.  
"Thought you might want some company."  
"I want your company, not anyone else's."

She had a bottle of wine with her, and 2 glasses, which she placed on the dresser.  
"Things that bad?" she asked.  
I sighed.  
"That bad huh?"  
"Yep."

She poured the wine and handed it to me.  
"Drink this."  
I was mildly amused by her manner, it was exactly the same way that I responded to her when she was upset. I drank most of it and lay back, staring at the ceiling.  
"What's wrong with me Jayne?"  
"Oh…..so many things." She said with a smile.  
"Very funny."  
"I'm only joking."  
"I know. Can you just come here please?"  
"Sure."

She put her wine down, and lay next to me, her head on my chest, arm flung around my waist. I kissed the top of her head.  
"So what's going on?"  
I ignored her.  
"How comes just holding you makes everything feel alright?"  
"Because I'm amazing."  
I kissed her again.  
"Yes. You are."

There was quiet, her soft, rhythmic breathing and familiarity making me feel calmer.  
"You changed the subject." She says, elbowing me. "Or, do you not want to talk about it? I can read you too well you know. As soon as I saw you I knew something was wrong. Jill too."  
"I feel…..I feel like I wish I could skate away."  
"Where?"  
"Anywhere?"  
"You're worrying me now."  
She sat up and looked at me, her eyebrows creased.  
"It's a song, here."  
I reached into my pocket for my music player and held the earphones out to her.  
"You have one"  
"Okay"

She lay back down on the bed and I pressed play. She tried to keep her face stoic, but by the time it had finished she looked close to tears.

"It's not just a song is it? That's how you really feel."  
I sighed.  
"Yes….no…..maybe…." I paused, unsure whether to voice how I felt. "I think my marriage is over Jayne. We've grown apart, desperately so. I can't be there with her, that's when I feel like I just want to skate away. When I'm there it's like I'm just there, looking at wreckage."  
She didn't say anything and turned away, but I could tell she was crying.  
"Jayne, please, don't cry, this is my problem"  
She turned around.  
"Your problems _are_ my problems."  
"Come back here….please?"

As soon as she was back into my arms she relaxed.  
"What can I do?" she asked quietly.  
"Skate away with me."  
"I wish I could."  
"I know."

My hand was round by her back, and I moved it under her top and stroked her skin lightly.  
"We could go to the rink?" she asked.  
"We can't…..as much as I'd like too."  
"Why?"  
"It's Christmas Eve, our spouses are here…and our children….I'm already being told off for not spending enough time with my family, so I don't think bailing on them is a good idea."  
"True."

Her arm was flung around my waist and she moved it under my shirt, mirroring the action that I was doing to her.

"You and Phil make it look so easy sometimes."  
"You know full well it hasn't been easy all the time, all the times I've cried on you. And I was so stressed out this year that I ended up with shingles. We all get wound up….in our own way."  
"You always seem to work through it though. I'm jealous."  
I moved my other hand and tangled it through her hair. I didn't want to not be touching her, not even for a second.  
"I was so jealous of you and Jill. She seemed to get pregnant so easily, and she sailed through both of them. That was so hard for me."  
"I know."  
"I suppose we've both thought at times that the grass is greener on the other side."

Jayne sat back up .  
"I need some more wine."  
"And me, fill her up."

I observed her for a while, looking thoughtful, drinking her wine with one hand wrapped around the stem, the other one resting on my thigh.

"You look sad." I said.  
"So do you."  
"I didn't mean to make you sad…..it's Christmas."  
She smiled and lay back down in my arms.  
"Just because it's Christmas it doesn't mean that you have to be happy."  
I traced patterns on her arm.  
"I'm always happy when I'm with you though."  
"Me too."  
I kissed her lightly.  
"Hopefully next Christmas will be better."  
"I hope so."  
"Love you."  
"Love you too."

_"Oh I wish I had a river...I could skate away on..."_


	5. Christmas Dance: Trunk (Drunk) Tango

Christmas Trunk (Drunk) Tango

"So we've got the opener….then pros routine for the next week…then nothing…then In my life." I sighed. Chris looked up. "I'm sorry, is this boring you?"

"No, course not."

It was three days before Christmas and Chris and I were running through last minute plans for Dancing On Ice, it was bittersweet, as much as we felt that we could carry on with it forever, we had agreed that it would be best to go out on a high. Chris was leaving to spend Christmas in Colorado tomorrow which made the whole situation worse for me. It was agreed alternative holidays and this year it was his turn with his boys. Rather selfishly I wished he could stay here with me, but I wouldn't like to be separated from my kids at Christmas, so I understood. I tried not to make a big deal out of it, but in the back of my mind it felt just like when he left in 1998, even though I knew full well that he would be back after Christmas, and then we'd have months and months together. I knew that as soon as he returned and the live shows started it was the beginning of the end.

Like I said, it was a bittersweet feeling.

"Oi. What's wrong?"

Chris poked me in the ribs, and I put down my notes.

"It's just…well…..it's all started to feel a bit familiar."

"Familiar how?"

"1998."

We both went quiet.

"But it's not going to be like that again." He says, decisively. "That was different."

"Was it?"

He puts his folder down and takes my hand.

"Of course it was. That was the end. As in the end…retirement."

"I know…..it just feels…I can't really explain it. I just feel like you're going to get on that plane tomorrow and not come back."

I felt like I was going cry, all these feelings from 1998 had resurfaced and I felt like I was at the mercy of all the old emotion.

"I'm not though."

"I know that. I guess I'm just being silly….I can't cope with us being retired again."

"And do you think I can! You know how hard it was being over there for me. Not able to see you whenever I wanted, not able to just go to the rink to mess around. I know how you feel. It's all psychosomatic though, on a memory. Rationally, we both know that in reality I'll be on a plane straight back here on the 30th."

"Rationally, yes. Doesn't stop me being afraid though."

"I'm not scared."

"Really?"

"No. Because I know that we'll never retire again. I love us to much, and so do you. I'm always, _always _going to be doing _something_ with you. The idea of not doing anything with you just isn't tangible. It's never going to happen again. Just because it's the end of Dancing On Ice doesn't mean it's the end of us. There's never going to be an end of us. Not ever again."

He spoke with such honesty and sincerity that I started to cry. He didn't say anything, just pulled me into his arms.

"Don't cry. We're not going anywhere. I promise."

He kissed me gently on my forehead.

"I wish I wasn't leaving for Christmas now."

"Don't be silly." I mumbled, mostly into his chest. "You need to see your boys."

"I just wish it was easier though."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"Your heart couldn't possibly be anymore fonder of me." he said, teasing.

"Cheeky!" I said, smiling.

"Made you smile though."

"You usually do."

"I've had enough of this…" he gestured towards the show notes and paperwork we were going through. "It's our last night together before Christmas, let's just _be _together."

"In what way?"

He shrugged.

"Drinks….maybe pull out some moves from Strictly Come Dancing?! But no.." he kissed me on my nose, which I wrinkled up, making him smile down at me. "No sadness."

"I'm sorry….I think I'm okay now."

"Good. Now, where's the wine?"

"Definitely not going to be able to drive back now." I said, finishing off my second glass of wine.

"We don't need to, just get a taxi back to the hotel. Or stay here"

He refills our glasses.

"In the dressing room?"

"We have _beds_ for a reason Jayne."

He wiggles his eyebrows at me.

"Imagine the headlines!"

I knew his was winding me up, but I couldn't resist acting shocked and serious.

"Probably something like 'Rampant ice skater Chris Dean strikes again'"

"Not strikes again, dabbles again."

"Oh God not that word!" he continued "30 years of skating and Bolero is no longer the word people will think of that would sum us up, it's 'dabble'"

"Synonymous."

"No, dabble."

"No I mean that Bolero was synonymous with us, now it's dabble."

"That's what I said."

"Yes but synonymous sounds better."

"Alright clever clogs, finish your wine."

Several drinks later and a short-lived debate about which Christmas song was the best, the dressing room was starting to look suspiciously like the dressing room in the sketch we did for Strictly. It seemed to be on Chris's mind as well.

"Dance with me Jayne."

"There's no music"

"We don't need music" he said, pulling me to my feet. "I'll sing."

"No, no Chris. Please don't sing!"

He tried to spin me around and do some sort of quick steps but he stumbled through them, and nearly ended up falling into the sofa. I looked on, bemused.

"What on earth are you doing?" I questioned.

"Tango." He muttered sheepishly. "It's not really working."

He got back up again and pulled me to him. He held me close around my waist as my head fell onto his chest to rest as we slowly did some basic steps. We were as close together as we physically could be without moulding into one. I could feel his heart beating right by my ear, and his slight stubble grazed the top of my head.

"The best is yet to come….." he sang, softly.

"Mmmm….opener song."

"Not just the opening song…..me and you song."

He sang it again, and his hot breath against my neck gave me goosebumps.

"I thought we chose that to say that the best was yet to come….in terms of Dancing On Ice."

"Well, it has a double meaning."

"I think people have seen the best of us."

I felt him shake his head.

"No…not yet Jaynie. We have years yet….new ideas…new projects…you and I will continue to surprise people."

"Even if we need zimmer frames to get around the ice?"

"Even so. I bet no-ones ever done that."

"No. No-one would be that stupid."

"Hmm…I would say ground-breaking, rather than stupid. The best is yet to come Jayne, trust me."

And I did. Trusted him with my life, my career, and everything else in between. So when he sung the words again I believed him. Because I believed _in _him. Belived in us. Believed that nothing would ever come between us. And that was the best Christmas gift I could ask for.


End file.
